Tuesday, July 3, 2018

Why White Jeans Triggered My Anxiety

Y'all, I'm going to go ahead and say it. I have anxiety. Like, I have to be medicated level anxiety. To other people the things that work me up probably seem stupid, but to me they are totally legit reasons to want to run away screaming. Social situations are my downfall. I either shut down and don't talk to anyone, or I ramble incoherently until the person I am talking to thinks I have lost my mind. There is no middle ground. With that being established, let me tell you about my decision to buy some white jeans...

A couple of weeks ago I was browsing Pinterest like I am apt to do, and I came across some major outfit inspiration. I decided that I needed some white jeans. In my mind I knew what I wanted. I wanted them to be just the right level of distressed, mostly because crisp white jeans just aren't my thing. I decided that I needed a shopping trip, so out I went with Ava the next day to one of my favorite places: Old Navy.

I scoured the tables of Rock Star jeans and jeggings (my go to), and I found a few pairs that were white, while trying to wrangle my wired up 2 year old. They really weren't exactly what I was looking for, but I had my Little One with me (terrible idea) and I was distracted, so I grabbed a pair that I (mostly) liked and headed home. When I tried them on I really wanted to love them, but I just wasn't satisfied. They were too baggy around the ankles, which is not a problem that usually have with the Rock Star style. Also, they only had a tiny bit of distressing at the front pockets. I decided there was no sense in keeping my distracted purchase, so I would go and return them the next day.

After Ava's bedtime I did some online research and found exactly what I was looking for on American Eagle's website. Confession time: I haven't set foot in an American Eagle in approximately 10 years. I didn't want to seem like one of those women who was desperately trying to hang on to my youth by shopping where the teenagers do (cue the ridiculous self consciousness), but these jeans were exactly what I was looking for. Normally I would have just ordered them online, but I had no idea how they would fit, so there was only one choice. I had to go into an actual store and try them on.

The next day I went to the mall after work sans kiddo, because I wasn't going to relive that hot mess again. I walked through the doors of American Eagle, and y'all, I kind of felt like the weird kid walking into high school for the first time. Here I was, a 35 year old with an epic Mom Bod, walking into a store with things like Soft & Sexy tank tops and shortie shorts that were shorter than the pockets that were hanging out of the bottom. I felt weird and self conscious, and I didn't like it. Im pretty sure that the three girls working there were all under 18. They looked at me and smiled, and continued folding shirts. I was convinced that after I walked past they were snickering and wondering what I was doing in there. Of course this was all in my head... thanks anxiety!

With my face hot I walked over to the rack of jeans and selected the white ones I had looked at online and went back towards the dressing rooms. A friendly girl unlocked the door for me, and told me to let her know if I needed a different size or anything. I stood there for a moment looking at the jeans realizing that they looked small. Too small. Enter the self consciousness again... there was no way these jeans were going to fit me, and if they did I was going to look like a busted can of biscuits. I tried them on, filled with self doubt, and holy cow, they fit! They fit really well in fact. They were exactly what I was searching for. They fit in the ankles properly, and had just the right amount of distressing. I was sold.

Filled with the confidence I had left somewhere outside the front door of the store, I took my jeans up to the cashier. I had realized something while I was shopping. Age is really just a number, and I should shop wherever I find what suits my vision. We should wear things that make us feel great about ourselves. Feeling good about ourselves boosts confidence, and I know for me confidence makes me feel stronger and more able. While I may not be wearing shortie shorts any time soon, I did discover that American Eagle has great jeans that suit my body ( I now have 2 more pairs and didn't mind going back into the store at all). Personal style really is about taking what you love and making it your own. The key is owning it. Never feel awkward in your choices. Rock that Mom Bod with confidence. I know that's easier said than done, but I am working on it everyday. And without further delay I will show you the outfit that I put together with my new white jeans!

Shirt: Universal Thread, Jeans: American Eagle, Shoes: A New Day,
Necklace: Sugarfix by Baublebar, Bracelet: Vintage
This vintage bracelet has extra meaning, because turquiose
 is my daughter's birthstone 

You should run to Target to get these shoes fast! They are perfect. They can be dressy or
casual, and the heel is comfy enough that I can still run after my toddler in them.